Say Yes

Yes, yes, yes to the band Deerhunter. They have that je ne sais quoi I've been looking for in a band for years. Only a few bands/singers have really wowed me this way—Sonic Youth, Sleater Kinney, Throwing Muses, Nina Simone, The Smiths, Sloan. It's nice to be excited about music again. I've also been listening to a lot of shoegaze music, mostly The Daysleepers and Working for a Nuclear-Free Society, to which a friend introduced me.

Since my whining about running a few days ago, I managed to get in 10 miles. I feel like crap, but I'm sure it'll be worth it. It's nice to spend a few hours away from the fire. The problem is I have too many things burning in it to be away for very long—finishing the novel revisions, two novellas, the spring issue of jmww to upload, two interviews to post at The Nervous Breakdown. I like staying involved in the writing community, but sometimes you just need to sit down and mindlessly watch a marathon of "The Facts of Life" or something. I wish I had cable.

I have never been good at doing nothing. I think it stems from my feelings of inadequacy as a person, as a writer, as a woman. Not that it's ever good to become complacent, but I have hard time saying no. I'd rather say yes to life and burn out, like some fabulous firework, then live long and slow and wait to die.