I sometimes wonder if I secretly want people's help but am too proud to ask. In my past experience, depending on people can invariably lead to disappointment. Now that my mother has died, and the person on which I did unconditionally depend is gone, I feel unsure of where to move. I wait for people to take the lead, to come to me. There's no sense stepping forward if you are not sure if there is any ground left where you step.
I feel like a violin that has broken a string for which there is no replacement. Do I relearn the violin using three strings, take up a new instrument instead, or do I renounce music altogether?
Perhaps I just refuse to see what is in front of me. All the love and care in the world. Maybe it is not the right thing, though. Maybe being alone with grief is necessary for healing, for strength. When you get a cavity, should you still eat sweets?